Turning 28: A Vibe

INT: Therapist's office, 2018

Therapist

Why does turning closer to 30 make you feel like your life is ending?

Me

Because every gratuitous cigarette I have is a reminder that if I continue this social habit, my forehead lines will one day be thick enough to stick a penny in.  

Therapist

Now that's hyperbolic. 

Me

Totally, I think if I just use a refrigerated jade roller I'll be fine.

TEXT MESSAGE, 2018

Dude Friend

Are you going to Gov Ball? 

Me

No.

Friend

I'm shocked! 

Me

Well, if I “festival drink” on Friday then I’ll need to rest all day Saturday and then who knows I may have a two-day hangover and then Sunday will just be a repeat of Saturday and then when will I grocery shop?!

G CHAT, 2018

Friend

Did you see x is getting married?

Me

But yeah, did you see x is moving to Spain?

Friend

Oh yeah, but did you see x is having a kid?

Me

I did, but did you see x just get her own TV show?

Friend

I still think we can totally have it all.

Me

Oh, easily! If we’re rich.