Saving Susan

EXT. WASHINGTON SQUARE PARK, 2018

JESSICA

Has Mondrian Belle tested into St. Nicholas’ school yet?

SAVANNAH

Of course; she’s so advanced for her age. Mr. Jones says she’s in the top 1 percentile for 2nd grade readers.

JESSICA

Oh, well, Sparrow Vera is already speaking beginners French and intermediate Spanish. I die. She’s a total language savant.

SAVANNAH

Mondrian Belle is already playing with the 7th grade soccer team. The coach says she’s the most promising defensive midfielder he’s ever seen. My husband thinks I slept with Cristiano Ronaldo!

JESSICA

I suppose she does tan really well.

Rory enters the park, walking towards Jessica & Savannah.

SAVANNAH

(to Jessica)

Oh, that’s Rory. She’s new in town. Sweet, but totally clueless—like the Tai of the West Village.

RORY

Hi, you guys.

SAVANNAH

Tai! I mean, Rory! How’s it going? Rory’s husband just got transferred from Chase in Wilmington.

RORY

We’re adjusting to life in the Big Apple! I just hope it’s not too much of a culture shock for our daughter, Susan.

JESSICA

(to Savannah)

Susan! What is she, the secretary at an orthodontist’s office in Idaho? We have to save Susan!

Hey Rory, have you thought of changing Susan’s name? Maybe something casual like India Plum? Or Lemon Bean? I’m just brainstorming here.

RORY

She is named after my deceased grandmother.

JESSICA

Keyword: deceased.

SAVANNAH

What Jessica is trying to say is that Susan can either be the Shoprite brand almond milk on sale towards the back of the shelf, or the Califia Farms full price, front and center.

JESSICA

What Savannah means, is that your daughter can grow up to be an exploited nanny of a Hollywood star impregnated with a bastard child, or the head of her own Lifestyle PR agency. Choose wisely, Rory.

RORY

Wow, I guess you guys are right.

SAVANNAH

It’s like that book I read in 9th grade that said, ‘Tis a far, far better thing doing stuff for other people.

THE END.